Gah!!!! Ok, so this is exactly what I didn’t want to happen, when I started this blog - a few entries, and then, BAM! Nearly a month has gone by. I made a few lame attempts, but my heart just wasn’t in it.
What I have been working on is changing jobs. I had many sources of frustration at my place of employment, euphemistically referred to as “The Science of Hope,” (in reference to the ad campaign that we are relentlessly bombarded with, every time we have to wait on hold, on the phone. Which is to say, a lot.)
It’s a challenging environment to work in, as it is the county hospital, meaning we treat all, regardless of ability (or desire) to pay, including inmates from the county jail. It is also a major teaching hospital. On the plus side, I learned a great deal in my three and a half years, there. On the negative side, a lot of what I learned was how to survive in a toxic, hostile environment. That which does not kill us, makes us stronger, eh?
Working in a county hospital during an economic crisis, when health care is a political hot potato, was feeling less and less of a sure thing. It’s one thing, to put up with a lot of crap in a job. It’s another thing, to put up with said crap, while taking a pay cut and facing deep budget cuts, which guarantee more heaps of crap will be piling on, shortly.
The writing was on the wall, with the state cuts giving management the excuse to gut nursing compensation. I started looking for a second job, to supplement my soon to be diminishing income. In the process, I discovered that my dream hospital was hiring. World-renowned, US News & World Report top ranking hospital, 22 years in a row, and one of Fortune magazine’s “100 Best Companies to Work For,” 8 years in a row. I felt the universe prodding me. In a pique of frustration, I fired off an application, knowing full well this was not a sensible time to be making a career move, but also aware that, when the universe beckons, even if the timing seems bad, it’s best to heed the call.
I had an interview scheduled, within a week. From the moment I stepped into the building, I felt it was where I belonged. The Chihuly chandelier spoke to me! I tried to contain my giddiness, during my interview, but I was freaking floating on air, I wanted the job so bad. I kept thinking of Bull Durham - I had been toiling around in the minors, and here I was, with a chance to move up to the Show!
Thus began my seemingly interminable week in purgatory. I was certain I had it in the bag. That is, until I didn’t hear anything for seven, agonizing days. In the grand scheme of things, I’m sure that doesn’t seem like a long time. When you’ve glimpsed the promised land, and then the door slams shut and you have to go back to toiling in misery, however, it’s simply torturous. Then, once I got the offer, I started in with the two weeks’ notice paranoia, fearing that somehow, something would get horribly screwed up.
In the meantime, by the way, I’m also struggling with the desire to lose weight, (but making no progress, whatsoever,) trying to prepare for marathon training, to begin in August, (but doing so too aggressively,) getting ready for my return to school, in pursuit of my BSN, also to begin in August, (trying to pretend I don’t have a large tuition bill coming due, for which I will now receive no reimbursement) and worrying whether I’m going to be able to take a week off in October, during my probationary period at this new job, for the cruise we’ve been planning for the past year and a half (with the deadline for refunding deposits coming before I can secure any kind of confirmation.)
And, of course, I’m not sleeping, and I’m pretty much completely neglecting my family, while wallowing in my own private hell, (which isn’t really that private, because they have to put up with me.)
But here we are. The Science of Hope is behind me. Orientation starts Monday. I know this job will have it’s own set of frustrations, as they all do, but I am hopeful that it will finally be a position in which I can flourish. I have my textbooks, and I’ve started dieting, in earnest. I have my supplemental home health job lined up. Pieces are coming together. I think I can breathe, again.
